I HATE balloons!!!

Yea, I know this makes me weird, but I can't help it. I despise them.  They are evil in SO many ways in my opinion. They have been known to induce panic attacks with me. How, you ask? I'm a nut-job first of all.....and secondly, they make nerve-grinding noises. They make horrible sounds when rubbed together, and then when they pop, it severs any shred of sanity, I may have been blessed with at that moment. Told you, I'm a nut-job.
This isn't the ONLY reason I hate them. They have the power to turn children into complete psychopaths. Even if every child has their own, SOMEONE's will break. That will be the unhappiest(is that a word!?) child on the planet and somehow, they will learn all too quickly the fine art of scheming, lying and thievery to obtain one that isn't theirs. Without fail. These air-filled packages of evil turn our already crazy home into pure insanity by their mere existence.  Big and little kids alike will totally lose their minds when balloons are present. When they start popping them, I have to go outside, or I will end up twitching and rocking in a corner somewhere repeating "I will not die, I will not die".
SO, the moral of this story is do NOT bring balloons into my house or give them to my children!  They will be introduced to my "friends" Scissors and her partner Trashcan. It is the only way for me to function as a rational adult where balloons are concerns. Anyone who has seen me in a trapped car with balloons and children will understand what I mean by this.




That guy right there is just out of my reach and it's taunting me today. I dare you, you zebra-printed ball of pure evil. I'm watching you.  And I may be armed.......